Your Youness (A Poem)

I'm gonna try something new and write before the poem instead of after, only because I'm getting used to weird formatting in terms of my more abstractly structured poems, and this one isn't anything like the last one, but I figure it's good to get in the habit.

I got the base idea for this poem (which is actually the 4th stanza, believe it or not) during my Theory of Drama class, and it had nothing to do with Drama or Theory, just a crush on a girl in the class. I kept stealing glances at her and half hoping she'd notice, half being terrified by that idea. The girl was also in my British Lit I class, and I've seen her in various other places around campus since Freshman year, yet I've only just learned her name because of this class, because the professor enjoys calling role. Perhaps she likes me too, will stalk my facebook, see I have this blog, read this poem, and we'll fall madly in love! Yes, and then there will be world peace and no more disease forever...

Anyways, I haven't written any poetry in a while, and since the first thing I've written/am posting since my last piece is a love poem, I thought I'd say something more about my blog's name. Would I consider this a bad love poem? Yes. Why? Because it's a love poem. Because throughout it's entire conception, even beneath the actual literary themes I was trying to address (oh, there are some of those in it too?), I was thinking of her, thinking of love, thinking of how she put on her jacket after class and how I fell in love with her again. I did have a direction with this piece that I tried to make a bit clearer in my 30-second proofread, but ultimately, it's a love poem, even at it's blackest heart.

I hate to comment on the themes of my own poetry because if you can't get them then I'm doing something wrong, and if I tell you them then of course you'll see them, but at least look at the 4th full stanza ("That lovely blackness round your being"), because it's undoubtedly not the type of stanza for your average love poem, with it's slightly darker opening lines (I leave you to interpreting)...but even at it's darkest messages, this is a love poem, because no matter what Youness I'm in love with, well, goddamit I'm in love.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Your Youness
by Matthew Stalbaum

I like your glasses and how they sit on your
Nose so, I like your nose too, and your
Breathing, your motions like water over my heart,
And your stare, so intent, broken by a smile, a laugh
Always so sweet like melodies, always, just…

Always…always…always…always.

Don’t brush your hair behind your ear, you’ll surely
Kill me, as will your sigh and your writing and your walk,
Don’t move, though I’m sure that will kill me too, I cannot
Even look at your youness I’d stop all over to hold it there
Frozen like a stone or a poem, never revise, never breath, never…

Never…never…never…never…

Have you noticed that I notice from afar? Your ticks and twitches,
Like flicks of paint across my eyes, such lovely
Yellows and purples and maroons and even a bold somethingorother
And you like poetry, no? lit’rature? A rhyme or two?
And perhaps, yes, there I see it…

It…it…it…it……….

That lovely blackness round your being, so deep, so abundant of
Space to fill with the fluff of dreams and darkness behind my eyelids,
Like a canvas, all I know(imagine)to be you(my you)
There’s a rose, and some soft winds, and a thorn but
Only the one, and it scratches and I laugh with your youness…

Dream…dream…dreammmm.

No, don’t move, don’t shatter my
Lovely you, I like you like this, should I
Ever touch you I’m afraid it all would shatter,
I’ll never set eyes on another, not ever light or flesh, only
Your smile, your stare, your youness, your smile, only…