Kisses Too Soft (A Poem)

This is one I wrote earlier on in the semester.  I'm gonna have to start writing some new ones to post for next week!  Poetry's such a weird thing to write - I can force myself to write poems, and they can be decent, but it's a harder thing to will myself to do lately, harder than forcing myself to write fiction.  Not that I'm lacking in poetic ideas, I just don't feel ready to write them, like there's some key poem I've yet to read that will reveal all that I need to know for my own style.  I'll admit, I did have a good day a few weeks ago, but it was daytime, involved a coffee high, and reading tons of random poems by William Carlos Williams and Marianne Moore.  


Anyways, this is a poem I got the idea for in my poetry class while we were writing other poems.  The professor was hurling abstract questions at us, as foundations to build poems out of, but this wasn't in answer to any of them.  All I had was the beginning and end lines really.  It's still in need of heavy revision - just now I changed some line breaks and cut out some words, but just something about this doesn't feel complete to me yet, and at this point I'm not sure if that's out of perfectionism or if there really is something missing.  So let me know what you think, please leave comments and criticisms, and hopefully I'll have something new/better next week!
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Kisses Too Soft
by Matthew Stalbaum

the space between our lips is too
great even when we kiss space
enough for a breath a word
an unexpected whisper
to throw off the moment from its
precarious point

space enough for a thought
to breathlessly breeze along

lips broken and the vain
delusion is gone

can i press&press closer?

to find the space
where air no longer breaths
bodies melt and meld and blend
singularity ceases into solidarity

and bones splinter like jigsaws